CALLED & GIFTED
WHAT THE BIBLE REALLY SAYS ABOUT WOMEN IN THE CHURCH AND MARRIAGE
WATCH "IS THE HUSBAND THE HEAD OF THE WIFE"
IS THE HUSBAND THE HEAD OF THE WIFE?
Many Christians and churches claim that husbands are the heads of their wives and that women should submit to (some even say obey) their husbands. This is an unfortunate misunderstanding of scripture. Below is a biblical overview seeking to correct this misunderstanding and show that scripture encourages an egalitarian mutualism in the marriage, where husband and wife are mutually submissive, which is built upon mutual love, service, and equality in Christ.
1. EQUALITY IN CREATION
Both man and woman are created in God's image and jointly given the mandate to steward creation, indicating equal partnership from the beginning.
Image Bearing and Responsibility in Genesis 1:27-28“27 So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. 28 God blessed them and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.’”
Notice that both men and women were created in the image of God and both were commanded to be fruitful, subdue, and rule together.
Ezer kenegdo in Genesis 2:18
“The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper (ezer) suitable (kenegdo) for him.’”
In the original Hebrew, the phrase used to describe Eve is "ezer kenegdo." Ezer means “one who helps” and is a term used of God himself as the stronger one who helps in Psalm 33:20. ("We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help [ezer] and our shield.") Kenegdo means ”similar or equal to," indicating equality in correspondence, not subordination—"an equal companion.” Below are various translations of this verse.
Notice how some translations are closer to this intended meaning, while others aren’t.
Unity in Marriage in Genesis 2:24
"That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh."
The concept of "one flesh" underscores unity and partnership in marriage, suggesting a relationship characterized by mutual respect and equality.
1. EQUALITY IN CREATION
Both man and woman are created in God's image and jointly given the mandate to steward creation, indicating equal partnership from the beginning.
Image Bearing and Responsibility in Genesis 1:27-28“27 So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. 28 God blessed them and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.’”
Notice that both men and women were created in the image of God and both were commanded to be fruitful, subdue, and rule together.
Ezer kenegdo in Genesis 2:18
“The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper (ezer) suitable (kenegdo) for him.’”
In the original Hebrew, the phrase used to describe Eve is "ezer kenegdo." Ezer means “one who helps” and is a term used of God himself as the stronger one who helps in Psalm 33:20. ("We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help [ezer] and our shield.") Kenegdo means ”similar or equal to," indicating equality in correspondence, not subordination—"an equal companion.” Below are various translations of this verse.
Notice how some translations are closer to this intended meaning, while others aren’t.
- NIV - "I will make a helper suitable for him.”
- KJV - "I will make him an help meet for him."
- CSB - "I will make a helper corresponding to him.”
- ISV - "I will make the woman to be an authority corresponding to him.”
- NET - "I will make a companion for him who corresponds to him.”
Unity in Marriage in Genesis 2:24
"That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh."
The concept of "one flesh" underscores unity and partnership in marriage, suggesting a relationship characterized by mutual respect and equality.
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Both man and woman are created in God's image and jointly given the mandate to steward creation, indicating equal partnership from the beginning.
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2. EQUALITY IN CHRIST
Both men and women have equal standing in Christ and before Christ as our mediator.
No Male or Female in Christ in Galatians 3:28
"There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus."
In Christ, traditional social distinctions of status are transcended, affirming the equal standing of men and women in all aspects of life, including marriage.
No Mediator but Christ in 1 Timothy 2:5
“For there is one God and one mediator between God and mankind, the man Christ Jesus.”
Here, the Greek word for “mankind” is anthrōpos (which means “human being”). If Paul had intended to say an “adult human male,” he would’ve used the Greek word anēr. Thus, Jesus Christ is the mediator between God and both male and female humans. Men are not the mediators between women and Jesus.
Both men and women have equal standing in Christ and before Christ as our mediator.
No Male or Female in Christ in Galatians 3:28
"There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus."
In Christ, traditional social distinctions of status are transcended, affirming the equal standing of men and women in all aspects of life, including marriage.
No Mediator but Christ in 1 Timothy 2:5
“For there is one God and one mediator between God and mankind, the man Christ Jesus.”
Here, the Greek word for “mankind” is anthrōpos (which means “human being”). If Paul had intended to say an “adult human male,” he would’ve used the Greek word anēr. Thus, Jesus Christ is the mediator between God and both male and female humans. Men are not the mediators between women and Jesus.
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Men are not the mediators between women and Jesus.
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3. MUTUAL SUBMISSION AND INTERDEPENDENCE
Paul teaches that marriage should be mutually submissive rather than unilaterally submissive, with wives subjected to husbands. Furthermore, Paul argues that husbands and wives are mutually interdependent.
Mutual Submission in Ephesians 5:21
"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."
Paul leads this section with the command to “submit to one another.” Then he explains what mutual submission looks like in various relationships (Ephesians 5:21-6:9)—wives to husbands (5:22), husbands to wives (5:25), children to parents (6:1), fathers to children (6:4), slaves to masters (6:5), and masters to slaves (6:9).
This is further supported by the fact that in the earliest original Greek manuscripts, verse 22 does not contain the verb "submit." Rather, it's insinuated or borrowed from verse 21. The Lexham English Bible, one of the most literal translations out there, renders this verse as "—wives to their own husbands as to the Lord." Therefore, it cannot be used as a unique command for wives or women, and must be used in the context of verse 21. Furthermore, the word "submit" is equally absent from verse 24, other than for "as the church submits to Christ." Again, because it is borrowed from verse 21 for wives, it cannot be used as a unique command for women. See this article and this article if you're skeptical.
Nevertheless, Paul encouraged women who were taking part in a sexual and gender revolution that some modern scholars call “The New Roman Woman” to submit themselves to their husbands (for more on this, see Scot McKnight's "The Blue Parakeet").
He also encouraged men to submit themselves to their wives by loving them. Marriages were not based on love in the Greco-Roman culture. Wives served the purpose of providing children and managing the home. As the Greek statesman Demosthenes wrote, "We have courtesans for the sake of pleasure, we have concubines for the sake of daily cohabitation, and we have wives for the purpose of having children legitimately and being faithful guardians for our household affairs." Furthermore, as Aristotle pointed out when he wrote, "it is the part of the ruler to be loved, not to love or else to love in another way," to love a woman, even your wife, was seen as weakness. A man would never want to subject himself to the control of a woman by loving her.
These are the cultural attitudes that Paul is correcting.
Interdependence with Equality in 1 Corinthians 11:11-12
“Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God.”
Paul makes this statement after having addressed women for dishonoring both men and themselves with their shameful behavior, reminding them in 1 Corinthians 11:3 that the “head of the woman is man.” By “head” in this instance, Paul means “source” (think headwaters of a river) because woman was taken out of man in Genesis.
However, Paul also reminds the men that “man is born of woman.” This was a common phrase used by some Greek women to promote female liberation from male authoritarianism. Paul agrees with them for the purposes of redefining headship (see below) and promoting mutuality in Christ. Now, consider the idea that male and female would not be interdependent if the creation order was reversed—if the first man came from woman. The woman would always have preeminence. By saying “woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman,” Paul is teaching an equality of interdependence since women came from man AND men come from woman.
Mutual Authority Over Each Other’s Bodies in 1 Corinthians 7:3-4
"The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife."
This passage highlights mutual authority and responsibility within marriage, promoting a balanced and reciprocal relationship.
Paul teaches that marriage should be mutually submissive rather than unilaterally submissive, with wives subjected to husbands. Furthermore, Paul argues that husbands and wives are mutually interdependent.
Mutual Submission in Ephesians 5:21
"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."
Paul leads this section with the command to “submit to one another.” Then he explains what mutual submission looks like in various relationships (Ephesians 5:21-6:9)—wives to husbands (5:22), husbands to wives (5:25), children to parents (6:1), fathers to children (6:4), slaves to masters (6:5), and masters to slaves (6:9).
This is further supported by the fact that in the earliest original Greek manuscripts, verse 22 does not contain the verb "submit." Rather, it's insinuated or borrowed from verse 21. The Lexham English Bible, one of the most literal translations out there, renders this verse as "—wives to their own husbands as to the Lord." Therefore, it cannot be used as a unique command for wives or women, and must be used in the context of verse 21. Furthermore, the word "submit" is equally absent from verse 24, other than for "as the church submits to Christ." Again, because it is borrowed from verse 21 for wives, it cannot be used as a unique command for women. See this article and this article if you're skeptical.
Nevertheless, Paul encouraged women who were taking part in a sexual and gender revolution that some modern scholars call “The New Roman Woman” to submit themselves to their husbands (for more on this, see Scot McKnight's "The Blue Parakeet").
He also encouraged men to submit themselves to their wives by loving them. Marriages were not based on love in the Greco-Roman culture. Wives served the purpose of providing children and managing the home. As the Greek statesman Demosthenes wrote, "We have courtesans for the sake of pleasure, we have concubines for the sake of daily cohabitation, and we have wives for the purpose of having children legitimately and being faithful guardians for our household affairs." Furthermore, as Aristotle pointed out when he wrote, "it is the part of the ruler to be loved, not to love or else to love in another way," to love a woman, even your wife, was seen as weakness. A man would never want to subject himself to the control of a woman by loving her.
These are the cultural attitudes that Paul is correcting.
Interdependence with Equality in 1 Corinthians 11:11-12
“Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God.”
Paul makes this statement after having addressed women for dishonoring both men and themselves with their shameful behavior, reminding them in 1 Corinthians 11:3 that the “head of the woman is man.” By “head” in this instance, Paul means “source” (think headwaters of a river) because woman was taken out of man in Genesis.
However, Paul also reminds the men that “man is born of woman.” This was a common phrase used by some Greek women to promote female liberation from male authoritarianism. Paul agrees with them for the purposes of redefining headship (see below) and promoting mutuality in Christ. Now, consider the idea that male and female would not be interdependent if the creation order was reversed—if the first man came from woman. The woman would always have preeminence. By saying “woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman,” Paul is teaching an equality of interdependence since women came from man AND men come from woman.
Mutual Authority Over Each Other’s Bodies in 1 Corinthians 7:3-4
"The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife."
This passage highlights mutual authority and responsibility within marriage, promoting a balanced and reciprocal relationship.
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Paul teaches that marriage should be mutually submissive and interdependent.
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4. REDEFINING 'HEADSHIP'
Headship in Ephesians 5:23
"For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church,"
In classical Greek, the term "head" (Greek: kephalē) refers to the physical head of a living body. It can also mean a physical head, or source (think headwaters of a river), or preeminence (think about how the most prominent part of a person’s body is their head) and is also often used metaphorically to indicate “authority over,” like the head of a department, army, or empire.
In the Greco-Roman culture, the head-body (kephalē-soma) metaphor was most often used about the relationship between the emperor (head) and the people (body) or a general (head) and the army (body). The body served the head, sacrificing itself for the glory (or reputation) and protection of the head. This authoritarian use of the head-body metaphor also found its way into Greek and Roman homes and families where men were the heads of their wives. For more on this, see this article and the books it references.
Paul is intentionally countering this concept of the husband being an authority over the wife by saying that the husband is the head of the wife in the same way that “Christ is the head of the church.”
Earlier in Ephesians (1:22-23), Paul explains that God has appointed Christ to be "head over everything for the church, which is his body." By this, Paul is establishing that Christ, as "head", also has authority over his "body." And so by virtue of being "head," Christ could demand, like the emperor or the general or the Greek husband, that the body serve him. But Christ does not do this. Instead, Paul refers to Jesus as the cornerstone of the church in 2:19-20 that is laid down so that the church could be built up.
"19 Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household, 20 built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. 21 In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. 22 And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit." - Ephesians 2:19-22
This is a metaphor that Jesus used for himself when he said in Matthew 21:42,
“The stone the builders rejected has become the "head" cornerstone (eis kephalēn gōnias).”
The "head" cornerstone of the Jewish temple was believed to be the place where Abraham was prepared to sacrifice his son Isaac. Also, in the construction of Greek buildings, the head cornerstone was usually anointed with the blood of a sacrifice. As the head cornerstone of the church, Jesus was the first to lay himself down sacrificially with the apostles and prophets following his example so that the church could be built up.
Paul also explained in 4:11 that the apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers were equipping the people "so that the body of Christ may be built up." This idea that those who were in leadership served the purpose of building up those who were following them was in stark contrast to the secular culture's view.In the same way, here in Ephesians 5:23 Paul is telling the men not to think of themselves as having authority over their wives but to submit themselves to their wives so that they can be built up as Christ did the church.
Headship in Ephesians 5:23
"For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church,"
In classical Greek, the term "head" (Greek: kephalē) refers to the physical head of a living body. It can also mean a physical head, or source (think headwaters of a river), or preeminence (think about how the most prominent part of a person’s body is their head) and is also often used metaphorically to indicate “authority over,” like the head of a department, army, or empire.
In the Greco-Roman culture, the head-body (kephalē-soma) metaphor was most often used about the relationship between the emperor (head) and the people (body) or a general (head) and the army (body). The body served the head, sacrificing itself for the glory (or reputation) and protection of the head. This authoritarian use of the head-body metaphor also found its way into Greek and Roman homes and families where men were the heads of their wives. For more on this, see this article and the books it references.
Paul is intentionally countering this concept of the husband being an authority over the wife by saying that the husband is the head of the wife in the same way that “Christ is the head of the church.”
Earlier in Ephesians (1:22-23), Paul explains that God has appointed Christ to be "head over everything for the church, which is his body." By this, Paul is establishing that Christ, as "head", also has authority over his "body." And so by virtue of being "head," Christ could demand, like the emperor or the general or the Greek husband, that the body serve him. But Christ does not do this. Instead, Paul refers to Jesus as the cornerstone of the church in 2:19-20 that is laid down so that the church could be built up.
"19 Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household, 20 built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. 21 In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. 22 And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit." - Ephesians 2:19-22
This is a metaphor that Jesus used for himself when he said in Matthew 21:42,
“The stone the builders rejected has become the "head" cornerstone (eis kephalēn gōnias).”
The "head" cornerstone of the Jewish temple was believed to be the place where Abraham was prepared to sacrifice his son Isaac. Also, in the construction of Greek buildings, the head cornerstone was usually anointed with the blood of a sacrifice. As the head cornerstone of the church, Jesus was the first to lay himself down sacrificially with the apostles and prophets following his example so that the church could be built up.
Paul also explained in 4:11 that the apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers were equipping the people "so that the body of Christ may be built up." This idea that those who were in leadership served the purpose of building up those who were following them was in stark contrast to the secular culture's view.In the same way, here in Ephesians 5:23 Paul is telling the men not to think of themselves as having authority over their wives but to submit themselves to their wives so that they can be built up as Christ did the church.
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Paul is telling the men not to think of themselves as having authority over their wives but to submit themselves to their wives so that they can be built up as Christ did the church.
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To be clear, if anyone claims today that Paul is teaching here that the husband does have biblically granted authority over their wife but should nevertheless love and serve her as if he doesn’t, then that man is missing the point of what Paul is teaching. Having authority over their wives was a status given to men by secular culture, not scripture. Putting this status aside and laying themselves down so that their wives could be lifted up is the command of scripture.
Conclusion
Men and women were created to be equal partners in life and leadership, especially in the marriage relationship. While each of us comes to that partnership with different characteristics, strengths, and weaknesses, God’s intention is that we see each other as co-equals, loving and serving one another, and together to fulfill his vision for humanity.
Conclusion
Men and women were created to be equal partners in life and leadership, especially in the marriage relationship. While each of us comes to that partnership with different characteristics, strengths, and weaknesses, God’s intention is that we see each other as co-equals, loving and serving one another, and together to fulfill his vision for humanity.
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Men and women were created to be equal partners in life and leadership, especially in the marriage relationship.
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Families, congregations, and societies function best when men and women are partners who lead and share responsibilities together.
If you choose to establish the husband as the head of the home, making final decisions, it’s because of your preference and personalities, not because the bible requires it.
APPLICATION
A healthy Christian marriage can be a mutual partnership while still acknowledging their differences as male and female by embracing mutual submission, shared responsibility, and a biblical understanding of partnership without hierarchy.
1. Submit to One Another (The Mutual Marriage)
If you choose to establish the husband as the head of the home, making final decisions, it’s because of your preference and personalities, not because the bible requires it.
APPLICATION
A healthy Christian marriage can be a mutual partnership while still acknowledging their differences as male and female by embracing mutual submission, shared responsibility, and a biblical understanding of partnership without hierarchy.
1. Submit to One Another (The Mutual Marriage)
- The foundation of a healthy Christian marriage is mutual submission. This means both husband and wife serve, support, and love each other sacrificially.
- Rather than one spouse being the default leader, both contribute to decision-making based on their strengths, wisdom, and spiritual gifts.
- Men and women have differences—biological, emotional, and often experiential—but these do not dictate authority or value.
- Instead of rigid gender roles, couples should recognize and celebrate their unique contributions in a way that aligns with their individual personalities, callings, and skills.
- In a healthy Christian marriage, both partners take responsibility for leadership in the home, finances, parenting, and spiritual growth. However, if one spouse is more knowledgeable about finances, they might take the lead in budgeting, while the other might lead in managing the family’s medical needs, etc.
- Some women have leadership gifts, and some men are naturally more nurturing. In a healthy Christian marriage, these gifts are embraced without being filtered through cultural gender expectations.
- Ministry, parenting, and household roles should be shared in a way that honors both partners’ strengths rather than conforming to rigid gender norms.
- Rather than defaulting to male authority, healthy Christian couples make decisions together through prayer, discussion, and consensus.
- If a disagreement arises, they work toward unity with humility toward one another. If agreement is still difficult, let the one with expertise, experience, or responsibility for that area make the decision. This is what humility and mutual submission requires. Don’t assume that the man should have the final decision just because of his gender.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
Sermon from Pastor Jim
"Is the Husband the Head of the Wife?"
Books
"Egalitarian Books on Marriage" – A curated list of books that discuss Christian marriage from an egalitarian perspective, offering deeper insights into mutual submission and partnership.
“Mutual by Design: A Better Model of Christian Marriage” by Elizabeth Beyer
"Together: Reclaiming Co-Leadership in Marriage" by Tim and Anne Evans
"Nobody's Mother: Artemis of the Ephesians in Antiquity and the New Testament" by Sandra L. Glahn
"She Deserves Better: Raising Girls to Resist Toxic Teachings on Sex, Self, and Speaking Up" by Sheila Wray Gregoire, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach, and Joanna Sawatsky
Articles
"Reclaiming Submission: Mutual Love and Service in the Egalitarian Marriage" – This article explores the concept of biblical submission rooted in mutual love and service, particularly in the context of egalitarian marriage.
"The Biblical Basis of Egalitarianism in 500 Words" – A concise overview of the scriptural foundations for egalitarianism, emphasizing mutual submission and equality.
Articles about the use of “Head” (kephalē) from Marg Mowzcko
Articles about the use of “Head” (kephalē) from CBE International
Articles about “ezer kenegdo” from Marg Mowzcko
“But Who Makes the Final Decision?” by Kara Angus
Websites
margmowzcko.com
cbeinternational.org (Christians for Biblical Equality)
juniaproject.com
terranwilliams.com
pbpayne.com
Sermon from Pastor Jim
"Is the Husband the Head of the Wife?"
Books
"Egalitarian Books on Marriage" – A curated list of books that discuss Christian marriage from an egalitarian perspective, offering deeper insights into mutual submission and partnership.
“Mutual by Design: A Better Model of Christian Marriage” by Elizabeth Beyer
"Together: Reclaiming Co-Leadership in Marriage" by Tim and Anne Evans
"Nobody's Mother: Artemis of the Ephesians in Antiquity and the New Testament" by Sandra L. Glahn
"She Deserves Better: Raising Girls to Resist Toxic Teachings on Sex, Self, and Speaking Up" by Sheila Wray Gregoire, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach, and Joanna Sawatsky
Articles
"Reclaiming Submission: Mutual Love and Service in the Egalitarian Marriage" – This article explores the concept of biblical submission rooted in mutual love and service, particularly in the context of egalitarian marriage.
"The Biblical Basis of Egalitarianism in 500 Words" – A concise overview of the scriptural foundations for egalitarianism, emphasizing mutual submission and equality.
Articles about the use of “Head” (kephalē) from Marg Mowzcko
Articles about the use of “Head” (kephalē) from CBE International
Articles about “ezer kenegdo” from Marg Mowzcko
“But Who Makes the Final Decision?” by Kara Angus
Websites
margmowzcko.com
cbeinternational.org (Christians for Biblical Equality)
juniaproject.com
terranwilliams.com
pbpayne.com